Counselling Psychology

Posted on April 25th, 2023

What leads us to engage in toxic relationships?

Our susceptibility to toxic relationships can be influenced by our early life experiences. Being raised by a toxic parent or having encountered toxic behavior from family members or teachers can make us more vulnerable. These individuals may have experienced emotional wounds themselves and have failed to address them, projecting their immature emotions onto us as children.

This can lead to a feeling that our needs were never recognized, as these people display emotional immaturity in various ways such as drama, conflict, neglect, addiction, violence, lack of healthy boundaries, control, and mental illness. Constant parental conflict can lead to feelings of deep shame, insecurity, and guilt that can impact our sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Our childlike sense of who we are in the world is hindered as we’re forced to live in survival mode, and our prefrontal cortex is offline, like having no internet connection.

Furthermore, parents can shape their children to fit their expectations, and this programming continues into adulthood. We may become people pleasers, which a narcissist may recognize and use to define the new relationship dynamic. We may also develop a deep subconscious fear of abandonment and rejection and believe we are not worthy of love.

Can you identify with any of these behaviors?

If an adult with a troubled background attracts a new narcissistic partner, the same patterns are likely to repeat. The more power the narcissist wields, the harder the victim will try to please them. This becomes exhausting, as the narcissist’s insatiable need for attention and validation can never be satisfied. They will become increasingly demanding and impossible to satisfy, leading the victim to strive even harder to avoid abandonment. As the trauma bond deepens, the narcissist will continue to project their own unresolved issues onto their partner.

One of the most potent tactics a narcissist will use to maintain control is withholding love and affection, even though their partner craves these emotions. This reinforces the victim’s low self-esteem, causing them to blame themselves for the relationship’s problems.

How therapy can assist in breaking the cycle and recovering from narcissistic abuse.

The first and most critical step towards recovery from toxic abuse is recognizing the relationship dynamics and patterns and understanding them. It’s essential to shift the focus from the partner and their behavior to yourself. By embarking on a journey of self-discovery, you can understand your needs, wants, and desires and have the confidence to work towards fulfilling them. Therapy can assist in enhancing your self-esteem and self-worth, empowering you to set healthy boundaries and communicate assertively.

This leads to self-love, newfound independence, and the discovery of your inner potential and value. Instead of being trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships, therapy can help you break free, providing the tools and skills needed to rebuild your life on a foundation of strength and self-worth.

This leads to self-love, newfound independence, and the discovery of your inner potential and value. Instead of being trapped in a cycle of toxic relationships, therapy can help you break free, providing the tools and skills needed to rebuild your life on a foundation of strength and self-worth.